During my stay in the psychiatric ward getting out of my suicidal sand bar, the mantra that was instilled was just live today. Find a way to get through the day, coloring, listening to music, watching random videos; just make it through a day without succumbing to my unhealthy thoughts. That mantra is important and powerful when you don't want to see the next sunrise. The mantra became routine and for two months in a closed ward that's good. There were sparks of life for the next month or next semester that started showing up once I was mostly balanced on my medication. They were the next benchmarks achieved and they were the right step for the time.
But there is an issue with just planning for the next month and the next semester,you get bogged down in the small details that at the end of the day have no long term impact on your plan. The plan that you need to have to keep you going on that daily path of functionality. There is only so much power in getting through today for tommorow,once you belive in the tommorow again. Now I need to sit down and reevealutate my dreams and build a loose plan to get to my dreams. Not to over plan-that is a problem I create when I plan out the smallest details and leave no room for life to flow beyond what I think can happen. I need to plan so I feel like I have goals and dreams I'm trying to achieve without creating too much of a pressurized reality that I collapse. It is far from easy but I think it will help me find deeper inner happiness that will be long-lasting. I will continue living for today,while also living for the next five,ten and fifteen years.
