I lock up my creativity, as the power of self-expression scares me. The first step is always, the excuse of not having time. There are all always things to be done, which makes running away from yourself easier. It's a weird feeling, being afraid to sit alone with myself and just pen and paper. Sometimes it feels like your hand connects to a deep part of your mind writing out your inner conflicts, and feelings you haven't allowed yourself to feel. The first response to this phenomenon is to lock away my soul and emotions. Allowing the lies of being ok to filter through and overtake any questioning change. The problem with continuously locking away my life source is that you forget that the life source exists while wondering why you're dying inside.
Emotions are the color to the black and white sketch of life. Many times colors clash when they meet, and at the moment it looks like a mess. But as time passes and the colors blend into a unique painting that only you created, only exist because you felt the colors rather than falling into the cycle of grey. Canvases get switched at each major event in life, paints of emotions you know continue with you. There, of course, is the option to learn and create new colors. They will then always be in your toolbox for future canvases of new realities. The blend of colors is controlled by your control of balance. The colors of emotions hit the page in jarring jabs and only time and healing create blends of beauty. Fighting the color just muddles your mind into a grey fog, which only is released by immense color.
