The Many Masks of Addictions

Addictions have many different masks and interchange frequently.  Sometimes so much so that you're not sure which mask on which demon your fighting to reign supreme over. When you eliminate a demon it never feels complete. For a while, you constantly feel on edge waiting for it to rear its ugly head. While time doesn't heal everything on its own, it can be helpful. The longer the demon is in a coma the less of a chance of it waking up. I have dealt and always will deal with many masks of addictions. Maybe writing them out will help me label their voices and learn to subdue them better. It is also very hard to talk about I've been trying to write this post for a while now but here it comes.

Addiction to pain- This has been my longest reigning addiction in my life, for so long it just seemed like the way life is and how it's handled. This mask has many different colors, shapes, and sizes.  Constantly differing to make you forget what your doing to your body is unloving and unhealthy. It doesn't always feel like an addiction. The label usually swims around without ever attaching itself to the mask. Yet the long-lasting talons it grips your mind with, and the promise of a calm red sea are constantly around.

A food/eating addiction- "The Art of the Binge" I'm pretty sure my mind could have written a series and I would have been a billionaire. The twists it contorts my mind into could earn it a gold medal. The thoughts have masks most of the time, sometimes they act like children and just yell "I want it all and want it all NOW". Most of the time different masks come and attack the core of the issues you're dealing with at that moment. Convincing yourself that what your doing is healthy for you. When its too impatient it erases all reason from your mind and keeps sending the response that you must eat it all now.

These are two of the biggest addictions that I have been dealing with for the majority of my lifetime. They come in waves usually not at the same time, the crest of one wave creates a suction for the next one to arise. Different surfboards work at different times. But sometimes you need a lifeguard to help get you back up, don't be afraid to accept the help to rise higher. There will be more details when I can let myself be open with myself and others, but for now, this is the first step.