30 things I learned in my first 30 days in rehab

1. The walls that surround your castle of a soul; fall down fast, but even faster with the right psychologist.
2. Naming voices in your head is healthy, and while it strengthens them momentarily it gives you the start of tearing them down.
3. Being around lots of people doesn't invalidate your feelings of being alone, and sometimes even helps rid the feeling.
4. Relationships with food, yourself, and others get more complicated before it gets easier.
5. The fear of bordream really comes from the fear of being alone with yourself and your boxes in the attic of your mind.
6. Group therapy isn't as scary as it seems and while judging is normal;you can also feel validated and less alone.
7. Mandated eating with people is terrifiying;but everyone has personal issues and sitting around the same table makes it easier rather than harder.
8. The wall of "not caring&feeling" leads to so much more pain;just feel in each moment.
9. Just because you thought you got over hating yourself and disability doesn't invalidate the feelings from returning.
10. Slowing down and actually chewing food;to alieviate feelings of hunger is incredibly hard for me.
11. I have more OCD tendincies then I'd like to admit;and Ed enhances them with my eating habits.
12. I feel worse around fat people as I feel like I fit in,which then leads me to remove myself from interactions with them.
13. Ed controls a lot of my all or nothing personality part of me. 
14. I use sleep as an escape tool rather then sitting and proccessing my feelings.
15. Sport is a double edged sword for me and I have not yet learned to enjoy the training without feeling like I have to restrict to look better and be stronger.
16. The more you open up and process;leaves you with more space to do other things.
17. Reading is hard when it can't quiet your mind.
18. Music is salve for my soul; and when I forget that, I pay.
19. You are allowed to love and feel the loss from things that you used to have.
20. The waves of feelings come and go;embrace the highs and lows,but don't try to ride the dead wave.
21. Normal and crazy are defined by you,when you define yourself as crazy it enhances the panic.
22. The clearer your sense of self the less you need to be alone to feel like yourself.
23. Not everyones journey intersects and it doesn't invalidate any of the journeys.
24. Just because a tool has worked in the past does not mean it has to work now.
25. Feel phsyical pain;even if you can't understand why and how to fix it;its less angering.
26. You are enough every single minute of every single day.
27. Mess ups are part of the process;embrace them and learn,and grow from them.
28. Regulation takes a while for your body;numbers are not everything.
29. There are more fears in your mind then at the meeting.
30. On your own time;change will come don't rush it,but don't be afraid to try.