It's an interesting idea; giving up on yourself. Everyone usually assumes that means you want to kill yourself, to me it can mean that but for me, it is more so punishing my entire body for actions of parts of my body. When I refuse to eat or binge from physical pain, I'm not removing the physical pain just making my mind travel, to where it's out of control in a place I feel more comfortable with. Most of the time the constant physical pain leads to the simple yet harmful place of giving up on moving my body. The dream of wanting to compete and push myself and my body to the absolute limit; dismantles itself daily the more times I wake up in constant pain that no one and no tests can explain why.
It's hard to dream when slowly every single rope connected to an anchor of my dreams that keep me flying in the right direction gets sautered; leaving nothing but shreds in its wake. The ocean stirs into whirlpools, sending any ideas spraying in the wind leaving you drowning in the eye of silence.
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