Cerebral Palsy and I- My longest relationship

 Cerebral Palsy and I go way back since I was two years old and diagnosed. The diagnosis story is one for another time.  It has been a rocky road, and while we are on better terms twenty-three years in, we still have plenty of tiffs. Preschool was a shining light in my childhood as I went to a school for children with disabilities that was in the same space as my physical and occupational therapy. We sometimes did occupational and physical therapy together, and we all had private sessions as well.  We didn't feel different as even though we had different severities of Cerebral Palsy,  we all got each other on a deep level. I spent the rest of my childhood pretty angry and felt emotionally isolated.  I switched schools for kindergarten to a class with no other disabled children, so having CP and wanting to fit in was made pretty much impossible. I was the only one with a physical disability and, my differences came up in a few ways wearing leg braces, doing constant physical and occupational therapy.  The biggest difference showed up during, my surgery which required me to relearn how to walk and miss plenty of class, and even when I came back it was in an even weirder wheelchair and needing plenty of adaptations. These needs take a lot of time and cut into building social relationships, so CP and I were on our own. Leg braces were a major part of my childhood, sometimes they made me feel like a robot/alien from another planet, while every once in a while, wearing them made me feel strong and powerful. I never really accepted Cerebral Palsy as my life long partner for a long time, much more of the time I spent annoyed and upset CP took up time in my life and the chronic pain and spasticity it brought along with it. I'm not exactly sure at what exact moment I started reevaluating my relationship with CP. But, I realized at some point that hating my body and disability full time was taking up a lot of mental energy and making my life with CP worse than it needed to be. It is a process, and it is slow going for me. I evaluated what Cerebral Palsy had given me, both good and bad, and also just worked on acceptance. I think that acceptance is an idea that living with a disability makes harder, as in a way, because of my disability,  I spend or at least used to spend a lot of time, fighting what society accepted as what I should be able to do. Between if it was a doctor who told my parents when I was two, that I'd never walk or talk or just society's assumption of what disabled people can achieve. I never wanted to give in and wanted to fight everyone on what I was able to achieve.  I believe that also led me to fight my cerebral palsy and many times, I  didn't listen to the internal messages it would tell me regarding pain, including other bodily messages. Cerebral Palsy and I together actually achieved many things that I would never have dreamed up as a kid.  Even though I get super annoying hand spasms while writing notes or while rowing and chronic pain can sometimes leave me in bed all day, I have come to love what CP has taught me and continues to teach me. This by no means I don't have plenty of internal struggles with Cerebral Palsy. I still struggle with issues about body- acceptance that arise with different topics that come up in life some expected some not. With all that being said, I have come to a point in my life that usually rather than getting or staying upset,  I can sit with my CP and figure out the crux of the issue so together we can grow and build the world I want around me. Cerebral Palsy and I are forever going to be together, and hopefully, I can use what our relationship brings me to help others and bring change to the world.