TW: suicide attempts, suicide
I was going to write a follow-up post to my hospital stay, instead, I had a triggering experience in my psychology class so, I'm going to discuss triggers. When the professor talked about suicide without any warning on Sunday morning, I decided I needed to share my thoughts and try to explain why the first line on this blog post is incredibly important to me, and most people. Somehow society has decided that giving a trigger warning is weak and makes you a "snowflake". First of all yes I am unique, and there is no one else like me, so yea a snowflake. Secondly knowing your boundaries and understanding that others go through things you don't understand and trying not to hurt others, or push others to hurt themselves makes you empathetic, not weak. The first thought that might come up when you push back on trigger warnings, is how could words that are spoken or written trigger an emotional response they are just words? That is of course not true as the words are shared to connect to people either to educate or to evoke an emotional response and create dialogue. Words have power people wouldn't use them if they didn't. When the teacher mentioned suicide attempts and thoughts this morning she wasn't trying to hurt anyone, yet I, as someone who struggles with suicidal thoughts, ideations, and sometimes even attempts got thrown off my mental seat. Talking about suicide with no thought to the fact that others may be going through struggles with it and no warning creates a space of fear, I had no idea what she was going to bring up next. The way the students were answering her questions about suicide. And the discussion brought to the surface many of the same thoughts and emotions I went through. Can I handle it, today yes, but I felt bad about maybe needing to leave class as it was a shock I wasn't expecting, but I didn't want to leave. Secondly, I didn't want to bring up my issues in the middle of a zoom lecture to the whole class. I speak about suicide and a pipe dream I have is to write a book about it, but that happens when I am in charge of choosing to think, speak and write about suicide when I am in the mental space, where it doesn't harm my mental health and spiral me to a dark space. This morning I had enough mental energy to acknowledge that what was being said was triggering, take myself mentally out of the class and take my mind off of the thoughts by playing a game and then doing some cleaning after class. Had this discussion been thrown at me on Friday night the situation might have ended with me ideating about suicide and sliding down the path of suicide itself. This idea that society has internalized about having emotions and sharing them and being impacted by others is a huge part of the breakdown in our society. Our words have an impact we are the only species with the gift of spoken language (technically, not going down that route right now) and the use of language for connection or dissent is on us. Emotions and mental struggles are not unique to me, the choice I have made to share more has shown that to me with the number of people that reach out. I have lost people to suicide and have lost myself and refound myself through suicidal thoughts and attempts. That idea is for another day. The importance of empathy for others and the choice of words is for today. Your words have power, and you already know that as you use them to help others, to connect, to hurt others intentionally or not. Trigger warnings are mental boundaries for people, they give me and you the choice to check in with yourself to see if you are mentally up for the discussion. Having and knowing your boundaries and understanding that everyone has mental and emotional boundaries, and that doesn't make anyone weak. Use trigger warnings even if you still don't understand the meaning of it as it can save many lives, and each life is invaluable to this world.
No comments:
Post a Comment