Hands carrying lead ropes of barbed wire

The painful twisted full-time relationship with horses I have had my whole life makes my issues with my hands incredibly painful even though iIometimes push it to the back of my mind. Horses had been in my life since before i could walk or talk,now somehow were back at a crossroads where my hands no longer are a surefire controllable part of my life. Fighting my hands and body is how Ive done things for so long it feels like the normal thing to do.Yet wasting so much energy fighting myself is too tiring from now on I am trying to love the craziness that is me so sometimes that is painful when I want to plan a trip for the family or when I look at pictures of horses on my walls.I guess understanding is the first part of love right????