Hating the Fall after the Rise

The Fall is always the same. The problem is the Rise looks different, today it was studying for five hours straight on an empty stomach. A few days ago it was sleeping during the day after not sleeping at night. Sometimes its spending time with family, sometimes it's being alone for a weekend thinking I'm doing self-care. The fall used to be the worst thing that could happen to me as I never believed I'd get to another Rise, which sent me into a deeper depressive cycle then what the down needed to be. Now I understand the cycle a bit, it doesn't necessarily make it easy to go through, but when I get to a certain place, I understand where I am and am more easily able to just be in that space in the cycle of the rise and fall. The fall is sometimes where my most creative moments happen, but it's also where some of my most self-loathing thoughts emerge from. The balancing game is to figure out how long can you allow yourself to fall down the never-ending black-hole, while still managing to see the sparkling diamonds of the high. The rise wouldn't come without the fall.  It is learning to love each place, the dark and wet creative place, and the warmth of the sparkling high and the time it takes to reach both places, and the cycle, knowing you will be back in both places again.