Self Inflicted Punishment

Self-inflicted punishment doesn't always look like punishment to the outsider. When I go to the gym on an empty stomach to create that punishing feeling to my body that I crave unhealthily, you the outsider just think I'm doing a good thing for my body by going to the gym. Most of the times going to the gym isn't used as a punishment, but every good thing can be used at different times as twisted mental punishment on my body. One of the many problems with self-inflicted punishment is that because it is your own mind creating the punishments they dont always flag as punishments which makes it hard to stop the punishment. It takes a lot of self-understanding to sit and evaluate the thought processes that your conscious mind is somewhat hidden from, by your unconscious. That process can only happen once you have flagged the thought and then have the mental capacity to breakdown and process the thought and accompanying emotions. Its a hard process as the unhealthy voice that is creating the thoughts tries to keep them unconscious to keep you doing the actions it wants you to do. Fighting the sick voice takes on many different angles as different realities trigger different emotions and self-inflicted punishments. Sometimes acknowledging the self-infliction of pain is the best you can do at that time with that issue when that is the case for me I have learned to try and do a different action of self-care that is not connected to the issue that I am fighting myself on. Self-inflicted punishment is basically a constant in my life that looks different almost every moment of the day, and I hope the more I am aware the more I can replace the unhealthy punishments with new tools of self-love that I learn.