Donut Deliberations

Its December, and in Israel that means the month of donuts, yes they come out earlier but this is when you are bombarded with them in social media and pretty much everywhere else. I mean literally everywhere. For years I would tell myself I have to find the perfect donut to try because they are full of calories and not healthy and I can't just eat one it has the be "worth it". What does "worth it" mean? What checklist does this donut have to fill? For years I would read reviews and look at photos of donuts and pass the bakeries searching for the perfect donut, then go home and binge on something else unhealthy that I didn't want to eat but I didn't give in to eating the "nonperfect" donut. During my time at the eating disorder clinic, my dietician worked on this idea of finding the "perfect" food worth breaking this illusion of a diet, rather just restriction my mind convinced myself I was on. The idea of just eating one of what your body craved, and it didn't have to be "perfect", yes there are "healthier" (Ill explain the quotation marks another time) foods, but if by not eating one fresh donut, you went on to binge on four or five boxes of cookies that you didn't want that night, you're just hurting yourself both mentally and physically. We spoke about this in June of 2018, which sometimes feels like eons ago and sometimes feels like yesterday. I dont remember if I ate a donut last year, but today, when walking past the bakery, the donuts looked pretty good and I was craving a sweet treat, so instead of listening to my mind which said: "no dont buy one donut, you have to find the perfect one, just buy a box of cookies, there are so many more in the box." I shut my mind off for a second, bought an imperfect looking donut, without letting myself analyze if it's my "favorite flavor" and looks like the best donut on the tray. Getting back to my place I pushed past the thoughts of you can't eat it, its not your favorite flavor (mind you I haven't had donuts in so long, the idea of a perfect flavor, is based on what flavors I like in other things and totally being used by my eating disorder mind to stop me), I poured myself a nice cup of coffee and sat, shut off my racing thoughts and enjoyed the imperfect donut. Because it was perfect at this moment, and I wanted one so I had one. I will work out later, but not to "get rid" of the donut, rather because its a habit I'm trying to build. I ate a delicious imperfect donut and I enjoyed it. ED today I won.